Beyond Self-Discovery: A Look Within

the persona game 🎭

The Japanese word, 水増し (mizu-mashi) has for meaning water addition, i.e. dilution. We also find this submersion in quantitative easing, commonly known as printing machine goes brr. My favourite example is Chiwawa’s; those four-legged terrors make up for their size with high-pitched threats. Things are no different when it comes to Homo sapiens, we boost ourselves with powder, jewelry, and insanely high amounts of followers that would choke cult leaders. This projection of identity elongates our reach but little of us is contained inside. More books read (I am looking at you 2023 Reading Challenge), and more friends (followers) are things that are admired. Winning a marathon is nice–but taking short videos along the way and making it into an Instagram reel is fantastic, crème de la crème. (Throw in a raise of funds for good measure.) The Pareto principle dictates that 80% of us follow the top 20%, and reaching that top tier is an uphill battle that only those unaffected by opinion are likely to reach. At the risk of sounding like a Midjourney prompt, let us take a look at artist Florence singing in her bath while dressed as a mermaid.

To make it clear, I do not condone any mermaid shaming on this Substack. Florence is a talented singer and a caring human-being/mermaid. With the compliance out of the way, her post seems to have captured a large audience, including online magazines. She knows her identity/brand. The candles flickering in the broad daylight and the carefully placed flowers bring to mind a series of questions. How long did it all take to prepare? Have any of the flowers fallen inside the bathtub, if yes, are there health benefits to petal baths? How warm is the water? Did she have help or set the tripod herself before slipping into the mermaid sock? A confirmation of

rayne fisher-quann

’s claim that tripods can’t hurt feelings would also be helpful.

Her most ardent fans are oblivious to these essential questions. One of the comments which as of the time of writing has 439 likes says:

This is literally the only thing keeping me afloat and alive these days

Satan: 0 | Florence: 1

Another that has 1,532 likes says:

Oh. My soul has left my body.

Satan: 1 | Florence: 1

Where did it go? What is clear however is that viewers feel inspired–to emulate Florence, or maybe to find their own true selves. Our true selves could be a few steps away from us, waiting in the bathroom. Perhaps, thousands of miles away on a sandy beach that is compositionally empty of tourists and ready to be captured. It all depends on our audience (and budget).

"Introverts are like a rechargeable battery. We need solitude to recharge. We thrive in one-on-one conversations and in-depth discussions. But we can also stretch ourselves to be “out there.” It’s like an elastic: we can stretch it out, but it will always snap back to its natural shape."

- Susan Cain

A quick internet search will bring us guides from various sources–including Indeed.com (discover yourself through a new line of work, all that you need is 7 years of experience). There is sound advice such as surrounding yourself with supportive and non-judgemental people. These could be family members, friends and communities. Another popular piece of advice is to choose who you want to be and work toward that goal. This suggestion is not in fact new. Famous Greek philosopher Epictetus wrote the following: Tell yourself what you want to be, then act your part accordingly. I am a great admirer of stoicism philosophy and attempt to apply it in my daily life. Despite this, my actions have seen little change over the years. This is because my behaviour and personality are congenial to the philosophy itself. We are true to our nature and pretence only takes us so far before being yanked back. I could recommend stoicism to my extroverted and spontaneous friends and without a doubt this would be to their detriment. A leash on their life would make them deeply unhappy. Barack Obama cannot become Leonard Cohen and vice-versa. One lacks the deep well of morosity and the other lacks the bright-spirited gaiety. We can go with our nature, not against it.

We would be inadequate as someone else. And to borrow words from Dune’s author, Frank Herbert: The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience. Odds are if you are reading this you’re old enough to know who you are. Barriers do exist and repressing ourselves is more common than not. There are family expectations, cultural obligations, and geographic limitations to take into account but despite it all, we know what drums the beatings of our hearts. Instead of exuberant outward expansion, we should promote the inward investigation of our attributes. Deep instead of wide. True instead of trendy. Let us accept that something can remain as it is. The user Orphic Inscendence (whatever that’s supposed to mean) makes a case for this on a Twitter thread. He/She argues that people today appear unengaging or boring because they are less likely to allocate patience, time and apply self-conquest to mastering skills. I have seen this time and time again on Twitter’s writing community. Most participants are worried about networking and materialising large amounts of followers, to which they will be able to promote their books, instead of actually writing and improving their works.

"The more deeply we are our true selves, the less self is in evidence."

- Meister Eckhart

There’s an interesting sermon on Lana Del Rey newest album, track Judah Smith Interlude.

"I want a new life"
"I don't love my wife anymore"
"I don't love my kids anymore"
"I'm missing out on life"
They're usually my age
Does that sound like love?
It's a life dominated with lust
And for too long, they've been holding on
And finally, they just get weak and they say
"It doesn't matter anymore"
And the Spirit of God says
"I'll infuse you with desirеs for what you have
And what's in front of you" (Yeah, yeah, yеah)
(Desires for what you have)
So, as He works deep in your heart
As you call out to Him and say
"I'm here, doin' it, man"
"Help me want what I got"
"Help me love what's in front of me"
"Help me want more of my wife and more of my friends"
"And help me serve the city I live in and not wish it away and hope I can move"
"Help me, God"
"I wanna be a man in love, not a man in lust"

(…)

The above section reads like a growing communal sigh that has been growing down social media’s sewers. There has been an exponential growth of dumbphones. These are limited-capacity phones as the name suggests. Generally, the only capabilities they offer are basic calling and texting, emailing and GPS (to popular demand they sometimes offer WhatsApp). In 2021, 1 billion of these devices have been sold (a 600 million jump from 2019), comparatively, in the same year a declining number of 1.4 billion smartphones were sold.¹ This new dumb renaissance is here to stay. A brand making its comeback is Nokia, which chooses to call them essential phones instead. There is something to be learned from this taking over the means of contact. One could simply delete all noise apps and have an essentially powerful dumb phone at hand. Instead, people are choosing to switch devices in order to obstruct temptation. Self-will is often not enough to combat the ever-battering assail of social media and digital omniscience. It’s like quitting smoking while carrying a cigarette pack everywhere. Environment matters.

Those with an inclination towards video games will be familiar with the concept of ghost racing. You race against the ghost of your previous game or highest score in order to beat it. We derive the same from our everyday scrolling. We want to follow the influencers to the same places, take the same pictures, eat the same things, and do the same activities–irrespective of our liking but because someone online inspired us. We want to have an exciting life too. How can we not after hundreds of daily data elements prompting comparisons with our lives? Indulging in the same acts makes us feel fulfilled and on the right track to happiness. We do it for ourselves but not by ourselves. A good metric I have found to measure whether I want to do something is imposing on myself the condition of not sharing pictures or telling people about it. A hard thing to do for the connected man, which regrettably I am.

Respecting our own boundaries is more difficult when we haven’t turned inwards and asked the question. Where? The worlds of sex and porn are going through an eclipse. Everything is accelerated and the words nomad and community have been plunged into a baptism of irrelevance. Under FOMO² it's difficult to take the time to breathe. The idea of missing out on life is ironic. It implies that if we check through experiences like a checklist we will end up being happy. And perhaps we are happy during those moments. Stimulated from desire point to desire point with boredom to fill those gaps. A possible parallel possibly exists between the saturation of information in our daily lives, think Instagram, to the saturation of experiences. The former clearly makes us unhappy, but does the latter?

I happened to be working from home the same day as the cleaner’s visit last week. As I moved to my room she latched me into a conversation about her daughter and husband that live in Brazil. I wouldn’t remember the first minutes of conversation with a gun pointed at my head. At some point something clicked inside, realising she wasn’t conscious that I needed to work, I decided to give the conversation a chance. I actually listened and was fully engaged despite having no utility in the exchange. To my surprise it was infinitely interesting; Brazil is a fantastic country with warm people. I also now have a place to stay for free when I visit. This is because I looked at a small interaction with meaning and gave it my earnest self. We both needed to connect, only she knew it and I didn’t.

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Like many, I have a problem with meaning and most definitely a problem with social media. Some of the ideas that I want to adopt are:

• delete social apps from my phone be intentional in their usage

• be honest and listen to my interests. Explore and deepen those

• focus away from the number of likes and influencers/sellers

• no to doom-scrolling

• reset my dopamine levels–read with the phone turned off; walk outside without having music clutter my thoughts and ears

• deepen my friendships instead of looking to make new ones

• do things simply because I enjoy it despite the lack of an audience for it

• allow life to come to me

• not choose isolation to pursue my own interests, it’s not about me. Instead, connect and maintain balance

• get to the bottom of my fears

Thank you for reading. The below poem helped me reflect a bit more deeply on the subject, and while Frost wrote it as a joke to an indecisive friend it still remains deeply relevant to us when it comes to which path to follow.

The Road Not Taken
By ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

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1. https://www.visiontimes.com/2022/04/01/ditching-smartphones-for-dumbphones-trend.html

2. Fear of missing out.